


trapped in a blue haze

by DarkBeauty_890



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Miscommunication, Missing Scene, all that good stuff, look i wrote this dripping wet from the shower ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 04:50:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8608690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkBeauty_890/pseuds/DarkBeauty_890
Summary: By the time Isak actually got a reply from Even, he had stopped expecting it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all ! Looks like I've come out of fanfic retirement. I've absolutely fallen in love with SKAM and I couldn't help but write this very shrort (and very unedited soz) piece about my two little loves. Hope you enjoy!

By the time Isak actually got a reply from Even, he had stopped expecting it.

While before, he noted every hour passing since he sent out his own text with a diminishing sense of hope, he now left the phone unattended for hours, forcing himself busy in order to escape the crushing sense of finality.

Which made it all the more unexpected when his phone alerted him to an incoming next at just shy of two in the morning.

**_Even_ ** _:_

_I did it when you were in gym class. sneaky right?_

Isak glanced blankly at the text, clueless at how to respond to him. Eskild’s words churned in his mind and Isak was half tempted to say nothing, to end the cycle of getting his hopes up only for them to be sorely let down.

Isak hovered his thumb over the delete conversation thread icon, ready to follow Eskild’s implicit advice of forgetting about Even Bech Næsheim when Even began typing again.

**_Even_ ** _:_

_Can we talk?_

Another pause and then a new text bubble:

**_Even:_ **

_In person, I mean._

Isak glanced around his empty room, searching for answers in silence. Eskild and Noora weren’t here for him to run to and ask advice and Jonas was very probably asleep. This was all on Isak.

He set the phone down on his comforter and laid back, propping his head up on the pillows Isak and Even had shared just over a week ago. This was a bad idea. Already Isak could feel the ashes of hope unfurling from where they laid crushed ever since he had caught Even kissing Sonja and burned from where Even hadn’t  replied to Isak’s shy olive branch.

And yet, Isak rolls over to the scraps of paper resting on his bedside table. Two comics stared back at him. One had been folded and unfolded so many times it was already starting to show wear. The other was newer, and had a bittersweet tinge to it.

Isak slipped his phone back into his hand and opened up their message feed.

**_Isak_ ** _:_

_When?_

This time, Even’s response was immediate.

**_Even_ ** _:_

_Right now?_

_Or is it too late?_

That was a loaded question. While Isak was unsure if Even meant ‘too late’ as in the late hour or ‘too late to salvage the thing they had going, Isak turned both questions over in his mind.

**_Isak_ ** _:_

_My roommates are out at some party. I’m alone, if you want to stop by._

Isak bit at the the corner of his thumb, staring unblinking at the message bubbles that appeared and reappeared for several seconds before Even replied.

**_Even_ ** _:_

_I’ll be there._

Isak eyed the message until his screen went dark.

Okay, he could do this. He was getting answers from Even. This was what he wanted, no matter the turn out. This was what he wanted.

He stood up and hastily picked up dirty socks and boxers from the corners of his room. It was too cold to open a window, so Isak could only hope that the scent of depression was all in his mind.

 

* * *

 

 

True to his word, the doorbell rang just minutes after the last text had been sent.

Isak paused at the door, trying to psych himself up for the conversation, trying to force himself into a zen place where Even finally destroying his idea of the two of them together once and for all wouldn’t hurt so bad.

He opened the door.

Even looked- well Even looked as beautiful as he always did. Tall, light brown hair hidden behind a beanie and a grey hoodie- he looked the picture of Isak’s dreams (the few he’s had since his insomnia reared its ugly head).

“Hey,” Even said haltingly, reiterating the start of their last failed conversation.

Isak responded accordingly, “Hey.”

They both stared at each other, before Isak took a breath and backed up, “Do you- uh. Come on in.”

Even smiles slightly and passed through the doorway, shoulder just brushing Isak’s chest. They both quietly made their way to Isak’s room. Even looked around though he had seen it all before and Isak sat at the foot of his bed. He was not prepared for this. The tingling in his chest screamed that Isak was not prepared for this conversation to end as it inevitably would- with a broken heart.

Even seemed unaware of the turmoil raging in Isak’s mind. “How are you?”

“Yeah, no I’m… great.” It sounded forced. Isak tried again, “Just busy and a little tired.”

“Oh,” Even glanced toward the doorway, “I can leave if you want to sleep.”

“ _No_.” Too forceful, too desperate. “No, it’s fine. I’d be up anyway. Sleep has been weird lately.”

“Yeah? Is that why you didn’t come to school?” Even paused and dragged a hand through his hair. It pulled the beanie oh his head, which Even then clutched and wringed in his hands. “I was worried.”

“Oh,” Isak replied lamely. “I was just- I had a lot on my mind and needed some time to just…”

Even nodded and the two descended into silence once more. It was unbearable.

“I uh- I came out to Jonas and, um, Eskild.”

Even’s eyes widened and he shook his head slightly, “You did?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m really happy for you, Isak. That’s great.”

Isak nodded, “They knew it was you, well they sort of knew.  I should have asked you, but-”

“No it’s okay. Really.” Even was smiling, eyes crinkled at the corners and everything. It was a genuine smile, one that brought Isak back to the day he went over to Even’s and they talked about music. It was a both a stab in the heart and a lift to his soul.

“You wanted to talk?” Isak began quietly, unable to return Even’s steady gaze.

Even nodded, but didn’t continue, seemingly lost in his thoughts. His gaze never left Isak though. When once again, the silence began to feel too much, Isak opened his mouth.

“Eskild says that a boy isn’t going to leave his girlfriend for another boy. Apparently it just doesn’t happen.”

“What?” Even looked shaken and alert, “But I already did. I told you- Sonja and I are on break.”

Isak smiled hollowly, “I saw you guys at Emma’s party. She kissed you… you kissed her back.”

“No wait- Isak that’s not what it looked like.”

“I’m not sure what it looked like.” Isak shrugged his shoulders, “I just don’t understand. I thought you and I- we were good. You kissed me and we” Isak stopped, clearing his throat, “But then you said things were moving too fast and you kissed Sonja.”

“I did kiss Sonja,” Even admitted, moving to sit next to Isak and cupping his hand around the back of Isak’s neck, “but it wasn’t what you thought. There was a guy there, he was flirting and I told him I was- that I was _with_ someone else. He wasn’t taking no for an answer and Sonja was just there and helped me out. It wasn’t like that.”

“And the original text?”

Even let his hand fall, “I got scared. You don’t- We don’t know a lot about each other. There are things about me that you don’t know and- you said some things in the locker room right before I sent that text that made me think about whether I’m what you want.”

Isak shook his head unable to recall half of what he said in that locker room. All he recalled was that Even thought his family would love him and the elation he felt after that. “What did I say?”

Even was quiet for a long moment, “Something about people with mental illnesses not belonging in your life.”

Isak shoulder’s shook and he inched his hand closer to the warmth of Even’s thigh, “I don’t get it. I know you- you’re fine.”

“Most of the time,” Even agreed quietly, “But not- not always. Sometimes I feel really, really great. Like when I’m with you- I just feel like I’m soaring. But not always. Sometimes I feel so low that I could just disappear.”

“That’s normal, isn’t it?”

“Not like how I feel.” Even leaned back on the bad, coming up just short of the pillows. Isak remained sitting, but adjusted his body so he could still fully see Even. “When I was like fifteen or sixteen, I went to a psychologist and they told me I was bi-polar. I’m on medicine, Isak. I’m one of the people you don’t want in your life.”

Isak let that sink into him for a few moments. Even didn’t continue, content to watch Isak under his lashes for as long as it took for understanding to dawn on him. Finally it did, and Isak slowly leaned back to lie next to Even. “I didn’t mean you,” he whispered, “Never you. I shouldn’t have said it at all. I love my mom and I know it’s not something she can control. And it’s not something you can control.”

“No,” Even agreed just as quietly, “but I can tell you that my mind is constantly so loud and unorganized. But when I met you in the bathroom and then at the pool and all the times we are together, just the two of us; it’s like this calm just descends over me and I can focus on one thing. Usually you.”

“Me?” Isak muttered, inching closer to Even.

“Mm-hmm.”

Isak felt; well, he didn’t quite know what he felt. He knew all too well the sting of loving someone who’s emotions were so volatile that it was sometimes like being with different people. He felt guilt for unknowingly becoming the force that pushed Even away. Relief that he could put the Sonja situation to rest. It was a hundred different emotions at once. Maybe this was how Even felt all the time.

“What does that mean for” Isak halted, “for us?”

“I don’t know,” Even responded softly, “I like you. More than I’ve liked anyone in a long time. I feel so good around you. But this is who I am, and I can’t change that. Mental stuff and all.”

There isn’t anything Isak wants Even to change though, “I think- maybe I’m okay with this. Maybe we could try?”

“Try?”

“Try being us again. Cardamom cheese toasties and NAS. And I’d like to meet your family, maybe. And formally introduce you to Jonas and my other friends as…”

Even scooted forward a tad until their faces were mere centimeters apart. He lifted a hand to push back strands of Isak’s honeyed waves, “As what?”

“As my boyfriend,” Isak finished quickly, “or we don’t have to put a label on it. We can just be Even and Isak.”

Even grinned and closed the distance between their faces, brushing his lips against Isak’s once, twice, again until Isak lost count and all of the hurt and scared and angry emotions he had been holding on to the last few weeks just melted somewhere in between their lips meeting, and evaporated completely when Even’s hand slipped under the cloth of Isak’s own hoodie, rubbing back and forth against the bare skin of his back.

Even pulled back, to brush his lips against Isak’s nose, “Yeah,” he murmured, "I like the sound of that."

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it. If you did, mosey on down to tell me what you thought or if you want to cry about the show with me, I'm game.
> 
> Tumblr (come say hi!): shadeandadidas
> 
> Song for the title was is called "Haze" by Amber run and I am 100% certain that it is the perfect Evak song.
> 
> Anyway, until later :P


End file.
